Jump to content
  • Sky
  • Blueberry
  • Slate
  • Blackcurrant
  • Watermelon
  • Strawberry
  • Orange
  • Banana
  • Apple
  • Emerald
  • Chocolate
  • Charcoal
Sweet_Bunny

How do you talk to your daddy about your abuse *of any kind*

Recommended Posts

Honestly I struggle with this too. I've only actually been able to tell one, once. 

What I did was write a long letter and then let them read it when I wasn't there. I just couldn't do it face to face.... I don't ever talk about it, and probably never will openly, but I thought it was important information for my then partner to have. I wanted them to be able to understand why I am certain ways I am sometimes.

 

But I wouldn't share with everyone. I'd only tell after I've been with them for a while and I thought it was serious enough. 

  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/23/2017 at 9:11 AM, BlushyBabyBee said:

Honestly I struggle with this too. I've only actually been able to tell one, once. 

What I did was write a long letter and then let them read it when I wasn't there. I just couldn't do it face to face.... I don't ever talk about it, and probably never will openly, but I thought it was important information for my then partner to have. I wanted them to be able to understand why I am certain ways I am sometimes.

 

But I wouldn't share with everyone. I'd only tell after I've been with them for a while and I thought it was serious enough. 

I'm very much the same way. I did tell my previous daddy before we even started with ddlg stuff but it's not something I share with everybody I know by any means. It definitely helps to have those conversations or at least partial conversations before being intimate with someone though, a lot of things freak me out that might be unexpected to people otherwise.

  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a bit late, but: I've talked about past abuse with only my previous and current "serious partners" (my current one is the only one I'm exploring CG/l dynamics with). I find that the best thing for me is just to be honest about it if I'm comfortable with the other person ; otherwise, I tell them if some situations can make me uncomfy and how I will react if that's the case, but I don't dwell on the "why". My previous relationship was long distance, so honesty and communication is very important in those situations, and for my current one, I've been friend with my partner for a year before starting an intimate relationship with them and we were each other "confidents" (to some extent, I told him about some past abuse but not the heaviest ones).

 

If you want to be serious and committed with someone, I'd say it's important to sit down and have a serious talk with them. And if you can enjoy non-committed relationships without being impacted by your past abuses, why bother talking about it?

 

Good luck with that.

Edited by Aegis

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sweet Bunny - this is a hard one and depends on your partner/carer. I was introduced to Ddlg by my current partner, who I left my wife for - she's considerably younger. 

I'm the first man she's felt comfortable telling about her abuse. Our age play, and my role as a daddy is, in a significant way an attempt to reclaim her childhood which was stolen from her.

We messaged and we're friends for a considerable time before we got together. Flirting, sounding each other out on ideas, histories and compatibility. She got to know me through acting - a play we were both in. My teenage son was also in the play, and she got to see me as a warm, paternal figure. Someone she needed in her life. 

I've spoken to my analyst, in as far as not wanting to take advantage of her, or retraumatise. I knew I wanted to live and care for this person for the rest of my life (we're getting married in September... 😀) 

I still have difficulty understanding the betrayal of trust of a parent who inflicts abuse on someone who relies on them, depends on them. 

So, counselling is good - but only you will know if you can trust your partner with this information. Sound him out, talk about abuse in a general way if you're not sure. My little has triggers which we deal with when they come up - hugs, caresses, kisses and telling her I will always be there, never leaving. A side effect of abuse, is of course abandonment and trust issues... 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the abuse I faced was one of the things that helped me turn to DDLG. I needed to live in a childhood that made me feel safe. The harder part for me was talking to Daddy (and my husband) about the sexual abuse that I went through. It made things really hard at first, because I sometimes have full-blown panic attacks at random things that I get triggered by. We sat down and I told him everything that happened, and he has helped me through the panic attacks, and we have started couples therapy together.

 

If you get into a serious and committed relationship, I think that they should know. Whatever means you need to use to tell them (face-to-face, texting, writing a super long letter, whatever it takes), as long as you still feel comfortable. But I wouldn't tell someone until you completely trust them.

  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×