Jump to content
  • Sky
  • Blueberry
  • Slate
  • Blackcurrant
  • Watermelon
  • Strawberry
  • Orange
  • Banana
  • Apple
  • Emerald
  • Chocolate
  • Charcoal
  • Library


    • BlushyBabyBee
              How to tell your significant other that you're into DD/lg.
                                                                   (or any other kink/fetish/lifestyle/unusual interests for that matter)
       

                                                                                                
       
                                                  Congratulations! 
       
      You found the perfect guy/girl/penguin and want to start introducing them to your kinky side… but wait… how exactly do you go about doing that? Whether you’ve been in a relationship for years or are just starting a new one, it can be hard to bring up your kinks and interests. It can be embarrassing or you may just be scared your partner won't accept you… but have no fear! Deffy is here to help you along.
       
      __________________________________________________________________
       
      First things first. Let’s start off with some things to consider before you go and drop your bombshells…
       
       
      Gauge your partner’s openness. Is your partner open minded and willing to try new things? Or are they more likely to jump on people for being different? If they are judgmental of others they might be of you as well. You can normally get a good idea of how open minded someone is based on how they react to other things in society. Although… why you’d be with someone who would judge others harshly is beyond me, but to each their own! Do you trust your partner with this side of you? Be sure you can. If things go bad will they blab about your kinks to everyone in town or will they respect your privacy? Be careful, especially with new relationships. Do your homework! Before you go telling someone about your kinks, be sure you know what you want. You may be taking a teacher role with them and will need information to explain. If you don’t feel you can explain it in words accurately, make a list. Lots of lists. Go overboard on this and be sure you are completely prepared for the “what’s that” questions that may arise. Don’t push it. This is a hard one, because we all want to be happy. You have to be able to accept that your partner may not want what you want. Or they may just not be comfortable. Don’t make them feel like they’ve done wrong by being honest with you. You want people to accept you, so you must give everyone else the same courtesy. This is especially important if you're trying to add the DD/lg dynamic to an existing long term relationship. Be ready for compromise and a lot of talking. It’s not going to be easy, but if you keep working on things and talking about them, eventually you’ll get there. Plan for the worst. Sure, we all hope things work out perfectly and everyone is happy forever, but this is life. Life is unpredictable and sometimes brutal. So take some time and really think about what you're willing to live without. If your partner doesn’t accept this information, will you leave? Plan, plan, plan. And when it comes time to talk, stand your ground. Don’t compromise on something you really need in your life just to please someone else. It won't work out in the end. And if you rely on this person for food or shelter, please consider emergency plans in case things go really, really badly.  
       
      __________________________________________________________________
       
      Now… assuming you’ve planned and researched and taken all of the above into consideration… it’s time to start the process. For ease of use I have broken the next part down into 3 sections based on the type of your relationship and amount of exposure your partner has had to BDSM/other kinky type stuff.
       
      “The Veteran Kinksters”
      is for those of you with partners who are already well versed on the kinky world and everything crazy in it.
      “The Long Term Switch-up”
      is for those of you who have been in a serious vanilla relationship for a long period of time and are looking to add to it.
      “The New Beginning”
      is for those of you who are just starting out in a relationship and are ready to bring up your interests to your new love.
       
      __________________________________________________________________
       
      The Veteran Kinksters
       
      Okay, so your partner and you are already pretty kinky. You may even already have a dom/sub type relationship. This makes your process much easier!
       
      Step 1: consider what it is you want exactly. Write out a list of all the things you want to add to your relationship. Rules, new titles, diapers, etc. List it out so you can have something concrete to tell your partner. Step 2: Sit them down and tell them. There is really no need to beat around the bush if you are both already into some crazy stuff. Odds are you won’t even have to explain anything (but be sure you’re ready just in case they know nothing about DD/lg). Go over your list from step one and ask for their feedback. Step 3: Find a compromise that works for both of you and enjoy!  
      __________________________________________________________________
       
      The Long Term Switch-up
       
      So you’ve been with this person for a long time and you don’t want to lose them… but you just can’t ignore what you are anymore! Your path isn’t an easy one, and it might bring a lot of pain, but it’s worth it. No one wants to spend their life denying what they are. Trust that your partner loves you and that even though they may not want or accept all of the DD/lg aspects, that they will listen and work with you to find a balance.Just remember to listen as much as you speak.
       
      Step 1: Research like crazy! Spend time figuring out what you really want and be absolutely sure it’s something you need in your life. Once you tell them, you can never undo it. I suggest mulling it over for at least a few months before you move on to step two. You need to be 100% sure because you are taking a risk with your relationship whenever you make a big change. Step 2: Make a million lists and plans. Basically continuing step one, but this time you’re  making lists you will eventually show your partner. Things you like and don’t like. Punishments you're okay with and rules. Anything that will help give them direction to what you want. Step 3: Test the waters. Start sending memes and cute pictures that have a DD/lg theme to them. Send them pictures of little things you want like stuffies and clothing. Nothing too crazy and out  there… but just enough to start the familiarization. Show them blogs and websites devoted to DD/lg and other BDSM type things. Call them daddy/mommy in bed or try and suggest easy rules for yourself they they then can enforce. You're pretty much exposing them to the things you like and waiting to see if they freak out or not. If they don’t go bonkers then move on to step four. If they hate what you’re sending them or start acting like it's insane, tread carefully. Step 4: Ask them what they think of your kink. In the abstract of course. This gives you a chance to see if they are curious about it too or if it’s not really their thing. Step 5: Take their reactions to step three and four into consideration. Re-work your lists and plans based off the way they reacted. If they were interested and curious about it, you're probably fine. If they seemed hesitant about it or said it was gross, you’ll want to really think about what you're willing to live without. Maybe shorten your list of wants to absolute least you can accept. Step 6: Sit them down and talk to them. Show them all your lists and go over everything. Be sure to tell them that you know they might not be interested and you accept that, but this is something you can’t live without; That it’s not that they aren’t enough but that you're changing and exploring a side to yourself that you hadn’t before. Reassure them that you're willing to compromise and find a balance that can leave you both happy. Step 7: Communicate like crazy! It’s not going to be an overnight change. You're going to have to put in some serious work but you can get there. Trust me, I’ve been there and it can work out. Trust that your partner loves and respects you enough to take this journey with you.  
      __________________________________________________________________
       
      The New Beginning
       
      So you’ve just started seeing someone but you want to be sure they are going to be okay with your kinks. Or maybe you’ve been out looking for a potential caregiver or little and think you’ve found the perfect candidate. Either way, you’ve decided it’s time to have the talk.
      You're basically going to follow the path above but you won't need to be so cautious.
       
      Step 1: Assuming you’ve already done your research… think out what you want this person to be for you. List out your perfect relationship dynamic. The positives for doing this early on is that you can build your relationship around your dynamic. Step 2: For this step I recommend Step 3 of The Long Term Switch-up. Or just consider moving on. Another bonus of doing this early on is that you can always just cut your loses. Step 3: Sit them down and tell them. Be open minded about what they are okay with and not okay with. Offer to compromise but make it clear you aren’t going to live without the things you want. You haven’t invested as much time in this relationship yet, so don’t give up the things you want just to stay with them. Remember, You’re probably going to be their guide through all of this so be sure you listen to them when they voice concerns.  
      Hopefully you make it through this process and come out on top. But even if it didn’t go as planned… you’ve voiced your needs and I’m proud of you! You’re wonderful and you have the right to enjoy your life the way you want to.
       
      PS:  Below are two of my favorite blogs for general info and things like that. But you can always Google and find tons more!
       
      http://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/ 
      https://www.domsub.life/
       
      Edited by @Saki, @bearslilkitten, And @Glenn
       

    • ToriOreo

      Meeting an Online Friend

      By ToriOreo, in Library,

      Meeting an online friend in person for the first time can be a bit nerve-racking but exciting! The nerves are normal. A billion questions are going through your head. What should I wear? Where should we meet? What should I talk about? What if they’re...weird? What if...I find myself in a dangerous situation?
       
      Remember, your friend is probably having all the same thoughts! It’s okay to be nervous, but don’t let that keep you from making a friend in person. There are some things you can do before the meet and during your meet to settle these nerves. Keep in mind, safety should always come first. You are an important and special human being. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe.
       
      Here are some things you can do to make sure you are safe, comfortable, and having fun:
       
       
       
      Before the meet:
      Pick a location! Check for munches in your area. A munch is a meeting with local kinksters typically hosted at a coffee shop, restaurant, or some other place with food. Hence, munch! Munches are a great way to make/meet friends in a very public and casual setting. Wardrobe is typically street friendly and while discussion may drift to semi-kinky, conversations are mostly SFW. This can be a great place to meet up with a local buddy you’ve already been chatting with! I am convinced that coffee shops are the best possible place to meet an online friend in person. Coffee shops are public and small. You can keep track of the people who come and go pretty easily. Drinks are way more casual than having a full blown meal with someone. Plus, coffee (and tea)! While I don’t recommend leaving the location the two of you agreed on, it might be a good idea to have a list of safe, public places to go to after. While malls and shopping centers might seem like a good idea, these places are too busy. There are too many hidden areas and it would be easy to snatch you away without anyone noticing. Pick your outfit! My best advice here is to wear something you’re comfortable in. The last thing you want is to be fidgeting the whole time because your clothes are too tight or poking you here and there. Gals, if you carry a purse, try to wear one that is cross body. It will be harder to steal away. Speaking of stealing, carry a small amount of cash. While it might seem like we’re preparing for the worst, I doubt the worst will happen, but safety first. Always.  
      Day of the meet:
      Tell a friend! Please, always let a friend or family member know where you will be. This is good practice for everyday life, honestly. If you’re going to the store, let someone know. If you’re going on a hike in the mountains, please tell somewhere when you will be there, what trail you’re going on, and when they should expect to hear something back. This should be applied to meeting someone online. While most people you will meet online are harmless, and you can make some really great friends, there will always be some level of danger so better safe than sorry. Let someone know the first and last name of that person, their online username, where you two will be, and when you will be checking in with that person. It’s always a good idea to have a moment during your meet to take the time to let your friend know you're okay. Have a “safeword” or phrase. If you feel uncomfortable and need your friend to intervene in some way, something like, “What’s for dinner tonight?” can be extremely helpful. Do not change locations without letting your contact know where you will be going. Once you are home safe and sound, text your friend to let them know you’re okay. Make your presence known! Show up 10-15 minutes before your meeting and order a drink. This ensures that the barista/cashier/employee is aware of your presence in the shop. Find a location in the shop where your back can be against the wall and you can keep an eye on all exits but avoid back corners that lead to hidden back exits. Have fun! Enjoy your time with your new friend! It’s so exciting to meet an online friend in person. Your nerves will slowly melt away and you’ll soon realize why you became friends with this person in the first place!  
      Please add any tips you can think of by commenting below!

    • RainbowLoli
      There are many posts for littles and submissives on how to spot a fake mommy / daddy / caregiver or a fake dominate. However, there are hardly any posts on how to spot a false little or submissive! Believe it or not, a fake little can be just as detrimental to a caregiver as a fake caregiver can be detrimental to a little. The issue is that abusive and fake littles tend to manifest their tendencies that are more difficult to spot and are easily hidden in comparison to fake caregivers who exhibit many behaviors that are characteristic to abusers in vanilla relationships such as controlling, anger, and a lack of consent and / or respect. With the lack of information on how to spot a fake little, it is very easy for a genuine caregiver to be taken advantage of and used. So, here are some signs on how to spot a fake little.
       
      Neediness
      Now, it is traditionally expected that littles are a tad bit needy which is true. Many of us are and regularly seek the attention of our caregivers. However, there comes a point at which neediness can become abusive. Sorry to say fellow littles. If your little constantly demands attention even when you’ve said that you’re busy (I.e at work, driving, etc.) and refuse to accept that you’ll respond later, that you’ll give them affection and attention later because you’re currently dealing with personal issues, bills, etc,  then this is a huge red flag. It can show that they don’t care about your own mental, physical, and emotional well being. As a caregiver, it is important that you are taken care of so in turn, you can care for your little-- and as a little, if you are like this-- it is important to understand that sometimes your caregiver cannot give you constant affection and attention due to having to deal with their own issues.
       
      Manipulation or guilt tripping
      Littles do a lot to get things to go their way. We pout, throw tantrums, whine, etc. However, none of it should be done in seriousness. Never should a little threaten to commit suicide, injure themselves, or withhold any sort of love or affection for not getting their way. This is another red flag when it comes to littles, especially if you are not in the position to provide them with what they want and they make a serious threat in order to receive it. This can also manifest itself in the form of another red flag in which they only want you to be their caregiver so you can provide for them while they do little, or nothing in return.
       
      A lack of respect for boundaries
      Whether it be they call you their caregiver without your permission (which is a red flag), or make you do things you aren’t comfortable with or didn’t ask for, no little should force themselves onto you. If you aren’t comfortable doing something, or you didn’t consent to an activity yet they make you go along with it anyways whether it be through manipulation or otherwise a little should respect your boundaries. A lack of respect for your boundaries is a red flag for an abusive or fake little. Even caregivers have a right to say “no” to a particular activity.
       
      Making you feel unloved or unwanted
      This can manifest in comparing you to other caregivers they’ve had, or what other caregivers do for their littles in order to try to get you to act in the same way or behave like other caregivers. In a way, it is a form of guilt tripping-- especially when it’s a situation such as, “Oh, my other caregiver used to buy me xyz.” When they try to get you to buy something you probably can’t afford to, and if as a result, the comparison makes you feel as if you aren’t as good as their previous caregiver, or as good as another caregiver, this is a red flag.
       
      Other signs of abuse
      Other signs of abuse that can manifest in littles are also the same signs that manifest in non-little individuals such as controlling, extreme jealousy, etc. Many times, the signs of abuse don’t change regardless of the role that someone takes, whether it be in a vanilla relationship or CG/l based relationship. The red flags traditionally never change-- however, they just manifest themselves in different ways. As a caregiver it is important that you take care of yourself and don’t end up in an abusive CG/l relationship. It can be difficult to figure out the signs of an abusive little due to the fact that sometimes the signs manifest themselves in ways littles often express themselves, however, a non-abusive little always knows how to tone it down and understands that their caretaker is a person with their own wants and needs that have to be met as well.
       
      To all littles, from another little, be sure to take care of your caregiver as they would take care of you. Be there for them as they are for you and understand that sometimes a caregiver doesn’t feel very much like a caregiver for various reasons. As a little, it is our job to make sure that our caregivers are safe, happy, and healthy just as they do the same for us.
       
      If you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship, refer to a local domestic abuse hotline-- especially if you feel that your life is in danger or that you cannot escape the relationship. It is important that you find ways to escape that type of relationship and remember that you deserve happiness and love too. Be safe, sane, and consensual ♥
       
      Written by: RainbowLoli

    • ToriOreo

      General BDSM Safety

      By ToriOreo, in Library,

      SAFE SANE CONSENSUAL

       
      If you've been apart of the BDSM community even for a short while, you've probably heard the term, "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" used quite often. We are aware that the sort of play we participate in can be very dangerous if not taken seriously. Safety and consent (if someone is not of sane mind, they cannot consent) always comes first. Anything else is simply unacceptable. The below is meant to act as a guide for general BDSM safety. Please do your own research before playing.
       
       
      Bondage
      Always check with partner(s) for any allergies or injuries/weak spots. Some rope material might cause an allergic reaction. Rubbing the rope on your partner’s skin before tying up would be a good idea if they aren’t sure if they have any allergies. Keep scissors/shears on yourself or on a nightstand near your partner. Make sure this will cut the rope quickly if your partner needs to be released immediately. Never leave your partner tied up unattended. You must be there for your partner to cut them out right away if an emergency occurs. Avoid tying areas such as the neck. This can prevent blood or oxygen from reaching the brain.  
      http://www.restrainedelegance.com/bondagesafety.php
       
      Spanking
      Make sure all implements are in good condition and cleaned. Make sure area is clear of items or people if using a toy that has a long reach (whips, floggers, etc.). Avoid danger zones. Striking areas in the lower back can lead to damage to kidneys or a broken tailbone. Avoid striking the spine, stomach, neck, and face. Broken skin can happen! Make sure to clean any open wounds after play and clean any toys used. Again, check with your partner for any weak spots or allergies.  
      http://bdsmplayground.tumblr.com/post/43467006587/spanking-safety
      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CMzlv5rVAAAh5GL.jpg
       
      Choking/breath play
      Because choking can inhibit a person’s ability to speak therefore limit their ability to use a safeword, a nonverbal sign should be discussed between partners before any sort of play occurs. This can be anything from dropping a lotion bottle on the ground when your limit has been reached to giving the live long and prosper sign. DO NOT PLAY ALONE! Study the anatomy of the neck!! Avoid pressure to the larynx as it is fragile and can be injured easily. Check the color of your partner's face. Red indicates blood is still flowing to the head. Anything leading to blue/purple means that your partner is not receiving oxygen and you have entered a dangerous zone. Check for burst blood vessels in the eyes. Choking/breath play is DANGEROUS! The above tips are all ways to make the play safer, but there is is always a danger when cutting oxygen to the brain.  
      http://dominantguide.com/176/take-your-breath-away-basics-of-breath-play/
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukms81OdHwc
       
      Wax Play
      Never leave a lit candle unattended. Ask partner for any allergies. Always check the temperature of wax on your inner forearm before pouring elsewhere on you or your partner. Extinguish the flame or remove excess wick. If this materials falls into the wax and then onto the skin, it can continue to burn at a higher temperature. Avoid pouring wax on face or inside any body parts. Wax can be poured on outer genitals safely. Paraffin typically burns at the lowest temperature of 115-126 °F, votive candles: 131-141 °F, taper-type candles 141+ °F, hurricane lamp candles 154+ °F, beeswax: 146+ °F. Temperatures should never reach above 135 °F. 120-125 °F is typically the safest range for wax play.  
      https://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/community/2012-02-07-19-21-15/bdsm-related-pages/bdsm-how-to-s/1333-the-complete-how-to-of-wax-play
       
      Electric Play
      Ask your partner if they have any heart conditions, including the use of a pacemaker. These people should NEVER participate in electric play. Electric stimulation should never run across the heart on any partner. Stimulation should never be made above the waist (this includes nipples sorry!). Stimulating nipples can (unless the product manual specifically allows for nipple stimulation) cause the electric current to run through the heart. Any connections made should be made while the unit is turned off or else, you guessed it, electricity can run through the heart. Start of at a low setting when using on yourself or a partner then gradually up the intensity. Sudden changes in electric stimulation can lead to muscle spasms. Avoid running current over metal piercings, plates, or nails in the body. Only use electric devices intended for human application.  
      http://asibdsm.com/shocking-tips-electrosex-stimulation/
       
      Fire play
      Make sure skin is clean and free of any products. Products that say flammable? Yeah keep those away. Tie back hair into a ponytail or bun. Remove clothing, or wear items that are easy to remove but not baggy. Keep rags/towels in a bucket of water nearby. A fire extinguisher might be a good idea to have around as well. Products used typically contain around 70% isopropyl alcohol. I would HIGHLY recommend do much more hands on research in this area. If you can get someone to teach you the proper items and techniques for this sort of play, that would be the safest.  
      http://www.submissiveguide.com/2010/01/fire-play-2/
      http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Category:Fire_Play
       
      For the safety of your partner and yourself, please research thoroughly before you play. As a submissive, you should know just as much as the dominant about danger zones and safety precautions. If something doesn’t feel right or crosses the line into danger, speak up and stop the scene immediately. Keeping a first aid kit nearby is always a good idea. PLEASE PLAY SOBER! Remember, it’s okay to take a break. Water is your friend! Aftercare is necessary! Safe playing!
       

    • Rosalie
       
      Hi! We are Teddy and Rosalie*. We've been together for nearly 5 years, lived together for 2 years. We are in a CG/l relationship. 
      So, it’s very common to have a set of rules in any BDSM, D/s or CG/l relationship. However, the breaking of or adherence to these rules is not discussed quite as much. Actions, be they good or bad, often have consequences. Therefore, today we will be writing about our personal take on Rewards and Punishments specifically in a DD/lg relationship. That said, rules are the basis of any rewards and punishments system, so we’ll start there. 
       
       
       
      Step One - Rules
       
      Let’s start with the basics. A punishment is something a caregiver may feel is necessary to correct unsuitable behaviour, i.e if the little or bottom has broken an agreed upon rule. Likewise, a reward may be bestowed on a little for good behaviour, i.e if the little has adhered to the rules with decorum. It is therefore important to have a very clear and transparent set of rules that both parties agree to and fully understand. These rules should be discussed outside of any power dynamic or role play, so that both parties can compromise and discuss effectively as equals. Here are a couple of tips when discussing rules.
       
      What does the caregiver/top need out of this relationship? What does the little/bottom need out of this relationship?  What rules would be mutually beneficial? What do the participants expect of one another? What is realistic/reasonable?  ALWAYS adhere to Safe, Sane, Consensual.   
      For example, Rosie wanted to swear less so that she didn’t get into the habit around co-workers or children. Teddy therefore implemented a ‘No Swearing’ rule that specifically listed words that Rosie could not use. This also allows Teddy the level of dominance that he needs out of a DD/lg relationship and is therefore a mutually beneficial rule. 
      If you have many rules, it may be helpful for you to split these rules up into categories, e.g General, Health, Social, Sexual etc. 
       
       
       
      Step Two - Punishments
       
      Punishments should always be proportional to the offence. They should also be decided upon beforehand and within both participants’ limits. For instance, Rosie is very dependent on cuddles and affection. Taking this affection away could, therefore, be considered an effective punishment from Teddy’s point of view. However, this would cause a great deal of distress to Rosie to the detriment of our dynamic. Is it therefore not appropriate to use as a punishment. 
      We have found it is helpful to sit down with each other and compile a list of agreed upon/consensual punishments. By doing this there is less risk of the caregiver or dominant attempting to administer undue or unacceptable punishments. 
      Once you have this list of punishments, it could be helpful for you to assign a punishment to each rule. Therefore, if the bottom/little breaks rule number 5, both the caregiver and little are fully aware that this will result in, for example, 20 spanks. Rosie is a big fan of organisation and structure; we therefore have created our own system in which rules are given a ‘level’ of punishment. That level determines what punishments are acceptable for that offence. The levels get progressively ‘worse’ based on how great the offence was. A level one punishment would be less harsh than a level five punishment. 
       
       
       
      For us, Level Two punishments include a public apology, spanks via paddle or hand, or an essay. This gives the caregiver a selection of pre-determined punishments to choose from which keeps them in control. 
      These pre-determined punishments for specifically broken rules gives both the caregiver and little a very clearly outlined system, protecting both parties while allowing for effective discipline. 
       
      Punishment Ideas:
      Time out
      Restrictions (TV, sweets/snacks, colouring etc.)
      Lecture
      Lines
      Essay
      Orgasm denial
      Having to do something embarrassing
      Mouth soaping 
      Physical punishment (spanks, paddle, crop etc.)
      Early bed time
       
       
       
      Step Three - Rewards
       
      We are also big believers in positive reinforcement. When Rosie has adhered to a rule that she finds difficult to follow, it may be appropriate to reward her for her efforts. This encourages the little to behave well, while allowing the caregiver to ‘spoil’ their partner. Again, these rewards should fit the rule. If you spend 200 (insert your currency here) on special presents for your little/bottom simply because they did not curse or swear that day, the system breaks down. Equally, if you pat them on the head because they worked so hard that they won a nobel prize, that might also seem a bit disproportional. 
      Sit down together and discuss a list of effective rewards. For some littles/bottoms this might mean an extra episode of The Powerpuff Girls. For others, it could be a trip to the zoo. Talk about which actions deserve which reward. Not ALL rules will deserve a reward. Not everything that deserves a reward will be covered by your rules. Play around with these ideas and come up with your own system.
       
       
       
       
      The levels of reward and punishment depend entirely on your relationship. Rosie has never taken drugs, and therefore rewarding her for adhering to this is unnecessary. However, the punishment for doing this would be very strict indeed. Rosie finds it difficult to find time to exercise, so when she does manage to do it, she should be rewarded sufficiently. 
       
      Reward Ideas:
      Extra little activities (colouring, cartoons, playing etc.)
      Movie night (little gets to choose the movie)
      Sweets/snacks
      Sexual favours
      Presents
      Restaurant
      Day out/activity 
      Late bed time
       
       
       
      Step Four - Structure
       
      Decide how you want to present these rules, punishments, rewards etc. What system would you like to use? Do you want all of this presented in one document/contract? Do you want a fun punishment/reward chart? Get creative! 
      Many CG/l couples enjoy creating reward charts! They can be very fun to make together and a great bonding exercise. You can use stickers, magnets or coloured pens to keep track of the little/bottom’s behaviour. E.g if you completed your chores 4 days in a row then you get a new stuffie! 
      Some kinksters, particularly those in long distance relationships, prefer to use online methods such as apps! There are a number of phone or computer applications that allow you to keep track of completed chores and reward systems:
      http://www.choremonster.com
      http://www.getfairshare.com
       
      We personally use a mixture of many systems! We have a very clear document that we call our contract. This includes pretty much everything to do with our dynamic. If we are ever in doubt we know to go to our ‘Little Black Folder’ for guidance. Having everything in one document makes it super easy for us, particularly for Teddy as he (as the caregiver) is responsible for keeping track of it all. Rosie also has a ‘Baby Book’ in which she writes down any tasks Teddy has given her. We recently bought a big pink reward chart that we are yet to customise to our own dynamic. 
       
      Please note: Don’t be afraid to be flexible! If a system isn’t working for you, change it. If a rule doesn’t make sense anymore, remove it. If you need stricter rules, if you need a wider variety of punishments, or your rewards aren’t giving you the incentive you need, discuss all this with your partner and come up with a better structure. 
       
      We hope that this article gave you some ideas for how to choose and organise your rules, punishments and rewards. Thank you for reading! Stay Safe, Sane and Consensual! 
       
      Resources
      Teddy:Pebbles Contract.pdf (Our Contract)
      Punishments and Rewards Thread
      Punishments for Littles
      Punishment and Reward Ideas
      Good Rules for Littles and Middles to Live By
       
      *Note, Rosie is also referred to as 'Pebbles'.

    • Pixystix

      Bedtime Story Hub

      By Pixystix, in Library,

      ·٠•●♥ ^_^ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Greetings from Pixie, Lizzy, M0rs3 & DDLGW!.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ ^_^ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      Hello, and welcome to the Bedtime Story Resource Index! This is a collection of Bedtime Stories, Nursery Rhymes, Poems and other such reading material beloved by Littles and Caregivers alike! Simply find a story that you want to read and click the link off to the side of it - If everything's working right, you'll be taken to a separate Pastebin with your story of choice. Enjoy!
       
      We are fully open to suggestions, so if you have anything to contribute to this resource, contact one of us on DDLGW via PM, one of our Skypes, or by other means (like contacting a mod). We'll take submissions for all sorts of stories so long as they're fitting, so don't be afraid to let us know if your favorite isn't in here! As a special note, if you cannot find a text-only version of a story for us to pool, DO NOT WORRY. Simply send us a link too the version of the story (say from a picture book) and we'll re-write the story into a text format that can be posted here, just for you (I recommend uploading it to an anonymous Imgur album). We only ask that the images we're provided are legible enough to get a clear understanding of the words, or we may not be able to comply with your request. Lastly, anyone willing to donate a personal story that they have written may also do that here, and shall receive full credit for it, posted at the top of the story.
       
      If there are any suggestions of category placement, additional categories, spelling errors, broken formatting or links, please contact us so we may resolve the issue. **NOTE: We are aware that stories are not alphabetized within the categories. This is early on the list of things to do, so we'll be improving the resource as we go. :D
       
      ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Average-Length Stories.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      The Tale of Benjamin Bunny - By Beatrix Potter 
      The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies - By Beatrix Potter 
      The Tale of Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle - By Beatrix Potter --
      The Tale of Peter Rabbit - By Beatrix Potter 
      The Tale of Timmy Tiptoes - By Beatrix Potter 
      Harold and the Purple Crayon - By Crockett Johnson 
      Lottie and the Fabulous Whale - By Philip Sherborne 
      Ug the Thug - By Kenneth Steven 
      Elmer the Patchwork Elephant - By David McKee
      Disney Princess's: Tiana's Story 
      Disney Princess's: Rapunzel's Story
      Disney Princess's: Ariel's Story 
      Disney Princess's: Belle's Story
      The Smurf's Apprentice - By Pierre Culliford
      The Very Fairy Princess - By Julie Andrews & Emma Walton Hamilton 
       
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Short Stories.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      The Gingerbread Man - Sourced from St. Nicholas Magazine (1875) 
      The Little Engine That Could - By Watty Piper 
      The Little Red Hen - Author Unknown 
      The Tale of Mrs. Tittlemouse - By Beatrix Potter 
      The Three Billy Goats Gruff - By Peter Christen Asbjørnsen and Jørgen Moe 
      Where The Wild Things Are - By Hannah Hatfield 
      The Rainbow Fish - By Marcus Pfister 
      Princess Rose and the Golden Bird - By Sergey Nikolov 
      The Teddy Bear War - Debbie Bailey 
      I Was So Mad - By Mercer Mayer 
      Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? - By Bill Martin Jr.
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Long Stories.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      Little Daylight - By George MacDonald
      Margery's Garden - Author Unknown
      The Velveteen Rabbit (Part 1) - By Margery Williams
      The Velveteen Rabbit (Part 2) - By Margery Williams 
      The Girl Who Played With the Stars - By Bob Hartman 
      A Rainbow Rider’s Fall to Yorn - By Cathy Predmore
      The Lorax - By Dr. Seuss 
      Harold's Fairy Tale - By Crockett Johnson
       
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Advanced Reading.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      "The Tale of Garg and Moonslicer" - from Reddit user "wanderingbishop"
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•."More Mature".•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      You Are Special (Religious Themes) - Max Lucado 
       
      ·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙˜”*°•.Other Stories, Nursery Rhymes and Fairytales.•°*”˜˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙
       
      There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly - By Simms Taback 
      Goodnight Goon - By Michael Rex
      The Little Blue Whale - By Scott Delonnette
       
      Written by: Pixystix and M0rs3

    • RainbowLoli
       
       
      I’m sure you’ve seen the posts floating around; posts calling participants in DDLG or CGl gross, telling them to die, etc. It hurts, and can certainly worsen an already bad mood or even bring down what was formerly a good mood. So what’s the best way to handle it? And how do you avoid it?
       
       
       
       
       
      How to avoid it from strangers online
       
      First…
       
      Realize that many of these people, as much as you would like to, aren’t worth arguing with. There will always be people who don't share your view on certain topics or disagree strongly with what you do. They’re set in their ways, and are often sex negative unless it is purely vanilla sex. They are often anti-kink in general. Don’t waste your energy, Use it on something you enjoy doing!
       
      Second…
       
      Block and report their posts. If they are telling someone to die in a post, you can report them to the respective website because on many websites, it is against TOS to tell other users to directly or indirectly commit suicide. It is also illegal to suicide bate in general, and can result in upwards of a 5,000USD fine along with jail time.
       
      Third…
       
      Block them. Don’t interact with them and block their blog, facebook page, etc. Block them and you will not have to see their posts, nor will they be able to see any posts that you make.
       
      Of course, this works when you are dealing with anon faces on the internet, however, what do you do when it is someone who is closer to you? Like a friend or family member?
       
       
       
      How to deal with kink negativity from associates.
       
      First…
       
      Politely remind them that regardless of how gross they believe something is, two consenting adults have full rights to consent in their bedroom. As long as they are not doing anything illegal, unsafe / potentially dangerous, then it is not anyone else’s right to provide commentary on their bedroom practices.
       
      Second…
       
      If they are overly negative and it brings you down a lot, it is fine to begin limiting the amount of time you spend around them. Anytime they bring up a kink-negative comment, change the subject ASAP. If they ask why, simply state that you aren’t interested or the topic makes you uncomfortable, etc. It is okay to lie to someone in order to not be shamed for your sexuality. If they begin to cause you to feel guilt, or any other negative feeling, it is okay to cut ties with them as a last resort. It’s okay to unfollow their blog, unlike their facebook page, etc. Your feelings matter.
       
      So now that we’ve covered how to avoid it, how do you deal with the sad feeling from DDLG / Kink-negative comments?
       
       
       
      Well here’s how.
       
      First…
       
      Realize that the person is uninformed and / or has had a negative experience in the kink lifestyle, therefore their view is biased and they are trying to project their negativity onto others. The best thing you can do is to be educated. Understand safewords, triggers, how to properly care for yourself, etc. As long as you are informed, they have no right to bring you down with misinformation. If you are feeling up to it, it is okay to confront them and correct them on their misinformation. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and others.
       
      Second…
       
      Understand that what they are saying is false. You aren’t roleplaying child abuse, you / your caregiver aren’t pedophiles, rapists, etc. or anything like that. You are two consenting adults deciding for themselves how to live their sex lives. If that includes DDLG or CGl, then so be it. It is no one else’s business.
       
      Third…
       
      Understand that you as a person are valuable. You don’t deserve to kill yourself nor should you ever be told to kill yourself over a kink. Life is too short and the world is too big to let some negative-nancy bring down your good mood. Your sex life is yours, you own it and no one else.
       
      Fourth…
       
      Go do something fun. If you are a little, cuddle with your CG, play with your stuffies, draw, basically go into your little space. Make yourself happy again, and occupy the time with things that you enjoy doing to take your mind off of the negativity. Log out of social media and just relax and enjoy being yourself, and being a little or caregiver.  After all, DDLG or CGl is your safe space, and you are in full control of it. No one has any right to tell you otherwise (unless of course you give them permission to.)
       
      Do you have any other tips on how to avoid DDLG / Kink negative people and perk yourself up afterwards?
       
      Written by RainbowLoli

    • Rosalie
       
      Please note: This is my personal take on aftercare after conducting my own research. I will leave links at the bottom if you wish to do some additional reading! The more different perspectives you read on a subject, the more likely you are to form your own solid understanding of its content.
       
      I’m going to start this off by saying that aftercare is a right, not a privilege. This may seem like a severe first statement but I hear far too many stories of submissives experiencing heavy, traumatic sub-drop because their dominant did not take the time to provide them with proper aftercare. Don’t use the whip if you can’t deal with the dip! Some subs may not require aftercare very often or at all, but it is vital that it always be available if asked for. If a dominant purposefully denies you aftercare, this is considered a big red-flag. Additionally, some dominants experience dom-drop or top-guilt. Dom-drop and top-guilt are perfectly natural feelings for a top to experience. Some individuals struggle with the fact that they enjoy controlling or causing pain to others, and may need extra support from their partner/s in this regard. This information can be used in caring for a top or switch as well, should they require it.
       
       
       
      Let’s start with a few definitions!
       
      Sub-drop: During a scene or play session, a sub often experiences a large rush of endorphins which can result in a heightened emotional state. When this endorphin rush slows down or stops entirely, it is common to feel a sense of ‘drop’ where it is very easy to feel overwhelmed, sad or lonely. This is commonly known as sub-drop.
      Sub-drop can also occur due to the emotional experience that comes with a power exchange dynamic. Aftercare can serve as a method of grounding the participants; it is always important to remind the other after a scene or play that you are both equal and respected.
       
      Aftercare: This is often defined as the act of providing care and comfort to a submissive after a scene or play session, though this depends on the individuals. Essentially, aftercare is used in the prevention or treatment of sub-drop. Though aftercare is often seen as purely for the submissive’s benefit, this is not necessarily the case. Aftercare can help a dominant to ‘come down’ from the scene by giving them the opportunity to show affection and support for their play partner. It is mutually beneficial. You can provide care to a submissive in a number of ways, which I will explore below. However, these are just suggestions. The number one tip I can give you is communicate with your play partner! Discuss their aftercare needs before a session and prepare accordingly. During aftercare, let them know what is happening and ask them what will make them feel better.
       
      Physical Contact
      This is my number one favourite method of aftercare! Physical contact has a number of benefits; primarily it reminds a sub that they are connected to another human being. Often sub-drop results in a sub feeling isolated and alone, so this connection can make a big difference. Some ways to provide this physical closeness are cuddling, hair stroking, body stroking, holding hands or even giving them a relaxing massage. Conversely, some subs may feel like they don’t want to be touched, so please be aware of this and make sure you are communicating effectively.
       
      Sustenance
      If a sub has exerted themselves physically or emotionally during a scene or play session, a drink and some snacks can work wonders in helping them feel better. The release of endorphins experienced during a scene or play can often lead to hunger. I’ve seen many kinksters recommend fruit juice or a sports drink to rehydrate, but ultimately this depends on the sub’s needs/preferences. If in doubt, you can never go wrong with water. Snacks like candy, chips or cookies may cheer up a sub, but you may feel it’s best to go with a healthier alternative such as fruit. This depends on your sub’s needs and what will make them feel better. My caregiver has fallen into the trap of allowing me too many sweet things during aftercare which ultimately gave me a tummy ache, so keep this in mind! It also helps if you can present this drink/snack in a fun or cute way. Littles may prefer a sippy, while pets might enjoy a dog or kitty bowl! Talk to your sub. Ask them what they need and what would make them feel safe or happy.
       
      Pain Relief + First Aid
      If your scene or play resulted in bruising, cuts or any marks, then it’s strongly recommended that you give them some love and attention. Make sure a first aid kit is close by. Safety is paramount! It may be necessary to use antiseptic if the skin is broken to prevent infection. Anti inflammatory lotions and creams can also be handy in soothing sore skin. Arnica gel/cream is particularly popular in treating bruises if you are into impact play. Ultimately, make sure you are giving enough attention to any areas that hurt!
       
      Comfort
      Every individual will have something that cheers them up or makes them feel safe. For some, it might be cuddling up in a big fluffy blanket, sipping a hot chocolate. For others, it could be taking a long bubble bath while playing their favourite music. This is something you should find out about a submissive in preparation of aftercare. While food, first aid and physical contact usually do the trick, it never hurts to go the extra mile. Grab their favourite slippers, put on their favourite movie, or just talk! Simply having a conversation can bring both a sub and dom back to reality and a healthy state of mind. Physical and mental aftercare are equally as important.
       
      Time
      This might seem like a very basic one, but it is imperative. Do not rush them; make sure you have left enough time for aftercare. If you have scheduled a play session between 6pm and 7pm, then have a dinner reservation at 7.15pm, that doesn’t leave much time for recovery! This is very important: do not make your partner feel like you don’t have time to look after them, or that their feelings are a burden. That is a big red flag. If a sub leaves on a high, then they could experience sub-drop alone later, which can be very problematic! All participants should be given enough time to rebalance and regain a sense of calm. Please be aware that sub-drop can happen a few hours or even a few days after a scene or session, so be sure to check in with your partner!
       
      Aftercare is vital in treating or preventing sub-drop, but also provides a sense of intimacy and comfort to both play partners. Aftercare can be very enjoyable for all participants so please don’t shy away from it. Subs, don’t be afraid to tell your partners what you need. Dominants, don’t be afraid to ask.
       
      I hope this was helpful, thank you for reading!
       
      Written by Rosie
       
       
      If you’d like to research more into sub-drop, dom-drop and aftercare then here are a few links to help you get started:
      http://www.keepingitkinky.net/bdsm/bdsm-knowledge/aftercare/
      http://www.keepingitkinky.net/bdsm/bdsm-knowledge/aftercare/build-aftercare-kit/
      https://brairthornblog.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/aftercare-for-submissives-taken-from-a-different-blog/
      http://cgl-advice.tumblr.com/post/128863081454/subdrop-and-aftercare
      http://femdommag.com/?p=32
      http://dominantguide.com/1605/top-guilt-it-feels-so-good-why-do-i-feel-so-bad/
      http://www.submissiveguide.com/encyclopedia/aftercare/
       

       

    • ToriOreo
      They can totally remember your stuffies' names better than anyone else.  They will actually thank you for getting glitter on them.  The amount of praise you will get for accomplishing a small task will make you feel like you can take on the world! When they give you their special sticker. you actually want to cry. They will sneak you candy when your Caregiver has banned all sugar because they know it's a sugar emergency!  Shopping for pacis online together can take hours but you know you will be so satisfied with your purchase. Getting letters in the mail from your little friend is an instant little space trigger. They know the best coloring books. They don't judge you for slipping into little voice. Play dates. Play dates. Play dates. Being able to go from little talk to real talk in 0.05 seconds. When you get a band of littles together, you can actually accomplish anything.  They can actually be worse than your Caregiver when it comes to bed time and eating because they care so much about your health. They always have the cutest bandaids for your owwies. Taking turns reading each other bed time stories when you're Caregiver-less or your Caregiver is busy is the best. They are always down to play games.  They give you courage. Having a little friend is one of the most special bonds you can ever have with a person. They understand what you're going through when you're going through it. From happy to sad to pee-my-pants excited, they are there for you all the way. Whether you are in a relationship or single, they will love you no matter what. They are your little family and are seriously the most precious human beings to ever grace your life. Cherish them like they cherish you!  
      Written by: PrincessTori

    • Rosalie
       
       
      Caregiving can be rewarding, meaningful and great fun! But it’s also a big responsibility and can be quite stressful at times. Here are some reasons we think caregivers need other caregiver friends!
       
       
       
       
      1) Advice. The moment you think you know everything, you stop being a good caregiver. Learning and researching is a big part of making sure you are the best caregiver you can be. There will always been more to learn. Maybe there are some tips, techniques or lessons other caregivers can share with you. Share ideas! Learn from each other. Never be afraid to ask for or give advice.
      2) Support. Everyone has moments of self doubt and need others to help and guide them. Sometimes you just need someone willing to listen. Enter caregiver friends! If you are having a difficult day with your little or you are simply having relationship troubles and you need someone to talk to! If you are a single caregiver, maybe you are a bit overwhelmed by all the research and information out there! Many in the DDlg or CGl community do not feel comfortable talking to vanilla friends about the dynamic. Even if your vanilla friends do accept you, they can’t always fully understand or empathize. But your caregiver friends can!
      3) Fun. Sometimes you just need a friend to have a laugh with. Share funny stories about your experience in the dynamic, talk about your common interests outside of DDlg, laugh about being made to watch Tangled or PowerPuff Girls for the 4th time in one day, send them a picture of the time your little decided to give you a makeover, share recipes for the best mac and cheese ever! It’s important you can engage and joke with people who understand how fun DDlg can be.
       
      Written by Rosie

×