I met Teddy when I was 16 years old. We were at school together. We started out as a relatively vanilla couple and lost our V-cards to each other quite early on in the relationship. It was quite an intense affair for the first year; we were both battling various issues at the time. We would flip between heated, passionate argument days to tear off each other's clothes days. As many couples do, we fell into the trap of spending every waking moment together. Though this sounds super romantic and lovely in theory, in reality we ended up isolating ourselves from our friends, family and lost concentration on our school work (though I was always much more concerned about my grades than he was ). We eventually realised this and got our butts back to reality but we knew there was something a bit different about our relationship, we just couldn't quite explain it.
I loved Teddy looking after me. I loved that he would cook for me, read to me and help me with my homework. Even though he was not much older than me, I always loved the idea that he could guide me and teach me. I remember feeling completely at peace when he stroked my hair for the first time. I had never felt so safe around a guy. My previous encounters with
men boys had always been less than ideal, with many taking advantage of me or only showing interest in me for my body. I didn't feel any pressure or expectations with Teddy, in fact I was the one who instigated our sexual relationship. It was honestly so different from the cheap, unpleasant experiences of my past that I was completely infatuated within a few months. I trusted him, and felt like I could explore my sexuality fully with him. At first this involved some spanking and dressing up. Teddy loved my ordinary school uniform, so the tiny school girl lingerie I occasionally wore in the bedroom drove him wild. I realised that I wanted to be dominated, and Tumblr helped us discover the world of D/s.
Now, Tumblr is a funny place. It can be really great and informative, but it can also be very lewd or distasteful for some. I found some of the BDSM and D/s content disturbing, not because it was BDSM but because I can be a bit of a prude when it comes to pornography which Tumblr has a lot of. Even today, particularly graphic gifs will make me cringe and turn me right off. I saw a lot of cliche 'Submit to me, NOW' and 'Cum for me, slut' pictures which made me super uncomfortable, but I liked the general idea behind D/s. I wanted to be submissive for Teddy, but I didn't want to feel inferior or like he didn't care for me. I referred to him as Sir for a number of months, which I was okay with. However, it never felt 100% right, like it was too formal. Teddy (or Sir at the time) and I both had sex blogs. Mine was a lot more sexually subtle. One day, completely by accident, I came across a blog that confused me. A girl was referring to her partner as 'daddy'. It took me a while to figure this out. I was disturbed and grossed-out, but intrigued. I continued to scroll. I showed the blog to Teddy, and we both laughed and cringed at it together. I followed it. I began to do more research into daddies and littles etc.
The world of DD/lg was completely and utterly new to me, and while I found it really weird, I also found that a lot of things that littles did were things I also did. I used to buy pacifiers as a child and teenager because I loved them (despite never using one as an actual infant). I was a huge Disney fan. I adored feeling cute by wearing dresses and putting my hair in pigtails or braids. I would even baby-talk with Teddy, we had our own secret language! If you're reading this Teddy, huggaba ah! We were sickeningly sweet with each other, and I would always crave his attention. Obviously these things alone don't make up a little but they are what sparked my initial interest. Then I began to look into the sexual side of DD/lg, and was delighted (though I didn't really know why) to find that bondage, spanking, flogging etc. were all super common within the dynamic. The combination of the loving, caring relationship, and the gritty, fiery sexuality was what I had always hoped for. The structure of rules with the caring nature of rewards with the sting of punishments rolled into one perfect package for me. Though it was exciting, I was a bit hesitant at first. I worried about what this kink meant and if I was creepy or wrong for liking it. The most scary part, however, was bringing it up with Teddy...