Our community blogs
It's been a super long time since I wrote the first part of this which you can find here!
So I'd researched into DDlg and found that it was something that really got my motor running, and intrigued me to no end! I followed a bunch of blogs and sent anonymous asks so that Teddy wouldn't accidentally bump into one of my questions and figure out that this was something I was interested in. I wanted to have that conversation just him and me, but I was super nervous. Knowing all I know now about the kink community, my kinks don't seem quite so ... well kinky! But at the time this was a HUGE step for me in embracing my sexuality. I wanted to be guided and taught, dominated but ultimately cared for. I did struggle with the kind of 'whats wrong with me' question a lot of us in the kink community ask ourselves at one point or another, which made it even harder to bring it up with Teddy (at the time being referred to as Sir). Although in hindsight I maybe wasn't being as a subtle as I had hoped; my blog on Tumblr had evolved from BDSM related, black and white, artsy pictures of men posing in suits (completely stereotypical, limited, cringeworthy stuff to me now) to more loving and caring images of soft subs with pink collars, hugging their dominants legs or receiving aftercare. I spent this morning going through my blog's archive from October 2013 to now and boy oh boy has it changed over the years! I can see myself trying to be something I'm not in the very beginning; I was using lewd language I would never use now and I remember feeling very uncomfortable about it then. I was trying to fit into the role of what I thought a submissive was. I'll tell you now, though it was an awkward, long, confusing transition, the road from D/s to DDlg was so totally worth it. Looking back my relationship wasn't as fulfilling as it is now because I wasn't sharing all parts of me with my partner. So, how to bring it up exactly?
I'm going to be honest, it's a little hazy as it happened so long ago. However, I do remember that it took me ages of dancing around the subject and avoiding the actual scary words before finally explaining what I had learned about DDlg. I showed him the blogs I liked, the bookmarked pages, the pictures etc. He was very calm and listened though I could tell none of what I was saying was particularly exciting to him. The bondage, rules, punishments side of things was less foreign to us at the time so there was no problem with that. However, the part about pacifiers, ageplay and stuffies somewhat confused him. I tried to explain that even though it was a kink, not everything was for purely sexual purposes. I explained how my love of Disney, arts & crafts, girly outfits etc all fit with what I saw in the dynamic and he started to put the pieces together. To be honest this was a discussion that lasted weeks; after that first interaction he began doing his own research and I would send him stuff I was interested in too. Our one absolute boundary we had found was that the name 'Daddy' was not one we were comfortable with. That was his first hard limit regarding the dynamic, so we stuck with 'Sir' for a long time. He also wasn't too keen on sippy cups and pacifiers at the time either. We eased ourself in with writing out new rules and punishments. We even started a 'Baby Book' which, as we were living about an hour and a half away from each other at the time, made the distance easier in regards to DDlg. This consisted of 'tasks' I was given each week by Teddy that I had to complete by the end of the week. I would stick colouring pages in there, I would write out assignments in there and tick off a task when it was complete. Each week Teddy would write a 'report' on how well I did that week and how I could improve. We even had a gold star system at one point! He started to get really involved and excited about our new dynamic.
A few months later he went from being called 'Sir' to being called 'Teddy' which both of us preferred! It felt much better suited to him and his character, and to our dynamic. We gradually introduced sippy cups and pacifiers. Teddy recently divulged to me that he was never actively turned off by those items, he just felt uneasy because it was all so new and taboo. It also took him a while to fully understand that those items weren't sexual to me, they were a source of comfort (and super pretty too!). It's now been around 4 ish years (it's difficult to pin point) since we fully embraced DDlg into our lives and we've learned a few dos and don'ts in that time! If you're looking into starting a DDlg or CGl relationship, these are some things you might want to keep in mind. These are just my thoughts based on my personal experiences.
1) There is always more to learn!
No matter how many years you've been into DDlg or CGL, how many caregiver partners, sub/little partners or ageplay partners you've had, how many forums you are a member of, there is always more to learn! If you ever meet anyone who claims they have mastered the dynamic completely and never feels the need to read, learn or grow within the kink, I'd be very concerned for them. Talk to others within the kink community! Read their blogs and their articles, listen to their podcasts and (if you get the chance) talk to them at meet ups! There are so many interesting points of view within the community, so soak up as much of it as you can! This is something usually associated with dominants, but subs and switches should be just as knowledgeable! Smart is sexy ;)
2) Communication is key.
I'm sure you've read this 100 times but it's so true. Be open and honest, but respectful. This seems simple but is actually very difficult! Wording, tone and body language are all important factors in how you communicate your feelings without making the other person feel attacked. Instead of saying "I don't like it when you XYZ" you could say "I would feel more comfortable if instead of XYZ you would try ABC, is that okay with you?". Basically always keep a positive, honest and clear line of communication open between you and your partner/s. Be clear with your limits, your turn ons and turn offs etc.
3) Don't rush!
This dynamic is so beautiful, so complex and so rewarding but it requires time and respect. You have to respect that this dynamic isn't something to be entered into lightly. Of course we all want to get to the fun, intimate and exciting bit, but don't rush there! The process is so important. Do your research, get to know the person really well and I mean REALLY well. You need to trust this person 100% which, in my opinion, you can't do you if only met them online a few weeks ago! No responsible dom OR sub should rush into such an intense relationship. Enjoy getting to know each other before you throw around labels and titles. There is much more to them than their 'role'. I see time and time again 'what can I do to cheer up my little' which, while very sweet and totally well intentioned, makes me wonder if you know them well enough. But that's a whole other blog post!
4) Appreciate them.
It's easy to overlook the little things your partner does for you, something small to you might seem big to them! Gratitude and appreciation are so important in making your partner feel loved. If they are trying out something new e.g a new Daddy, Mommy or Caregiver is learning how to enforce your rules, be encouraging and supportive! Don't get cross or upset with them for not getting it right away, it's a learning curve so appreciate their efforts and help as much as you can. Even if you aren't their first CGl partner, every person is different and it will take a little while to adjust to your specific likes/dislikes and general character when it comes to the dynamic!
5) It's okay not to be perfect!
You will notice that a lot of articles, blogs and CGl or DDlg individuals usually focus on the good parts of their relationship when talking to others. Beautifully shot Tumblr pictures don't show the bad times. The 'perfect' bruises and marks on that girl or boy's behind does not show all the time, effort and learning gone into mastering that skill. The little sitting happily on their caregiver's lap doesn't show the arguments, the struggles, the bad times that led them to that intimate moment of happiness. It's a journey, and that journey won't always be perfect, and that is absolutely, positively, 100% OKAY! Don't strive for CGl 'couple goals' or compare yourselves to others.
In short, my DDlg / CGl journey isn't over. Teddy and I are coming up to our 6 year anniversary this month; in that time we've completed our A Levels, our higher education (though Teddy is hoping to do a PHD so his education will continue for some time!), we've lived apart, we've lived together, we've moved three times, we've gone through health problems and family problems and it's still been the best six years of my life. I'll let you know how the next six years go!
If you got this far, thanks for reading and have a lovely day!
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Things do not always run particularly smoothly, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the world of software and the Internet, the vagaries of which are legend.
Since Hallowe’en, the site has undergone two software updates. The first was mainly to fix a security issue, but the second was to try and fix the bugs of the first. For a short while, this left our users unable to award reputation - those likes on posts. The likes have been with the site from the beginning, so it was relief to find the solution was simply a matter of ripping out our forum theme and re-installing it. The site looked a little bit of an ugly duckling for a short while during the changeover, but thanks to the quick work of our Admins @ToriOreo and @GlennOfAllTrades, and especially our highly motivated/caffeinated Tech Admin @SnowyLeopardCC, I think it now looks and functions better than ever. Thank you all for your patience when we perform such maintenance, it really is appreciated.
Whilst I am very happy following this last update, I am always keen to see what we can do to improve the site, and it is something we discuss as a staff quite often. If there is anything you would like to see, whether it is technical like a site feature or more community based like an idea for a competition or event, I would love to hear it. You can let me know by leaving me a comment here, adding a topic to our dedicated board (https://ddlgworld.com/index.php?/forum/77-forum-suggestions/) or sending me a message on the site or through our Discord server. We may not be able to do everything, but I will try my best to listen to as many of our members as possible!
Take care ^^
Dolly To me the most different thing is age regression should at least for me that is never be sexual, but ageplay can be both just a headspace nonsexual and sexual used in play.
I’m never little sexually because I only regress. It is a coping mechanism and not always a choice of mine either. When I get sad or tired I tend to regress involuntary, I did this even before I was 18 and that’s a big thing: age regression is not an 18+ thing, but ageplay is because ageplay stems from kink. But age regression is a therapy method, actually, which I know from actual therapists. To me it’s always been a thing I did to keep my head safe from overloading and taking too much in, because I put a lot of pressure on my head socially and mentally just with the expectations I put on myself sometimes. I remember earliest doing it as a 15-year-old. I’m autistic actually quite much, so to say. I’m infantile autistic, which means I need structure also and I easily overload both sensory and mood-wise so regression’s very helpful for me.
Saki When I first encountered DD/lg, it didn’t really occur to me that this subsection of kink would have a related lifestyle that was non-sexual, and it has only really been since being with Dolly that I have understood this other way more. And being with someone who doesn’t always have control over how little they are makes me feel more depended on, which feels right.
The adjustment in my approach from being a Daddy Dom more used to incorporating little elements in play to keeping those elements wholly separate surprised me by being quite simple. Though I never believed my love of all things little was completely sexual, it was rather eye-opening for me (not to mention gratifying) to realise that such a large proportion of the joys inherent in the lifestyle and dynamic were independent of my sexual nature.
We have rules that reinforce this division by explicitly declaring the behaviours acceptable in regressed and non-regressed states. In each case, whether big or little or somewhere in between, I feel I get to express my love for Dolly in a unique way. The division allows me to admire her from different conceptual and emotional vantage points, as well as exploring the different feelings inside me relating to how I approach her, provide for her, know her and love her.
Dolly Yes, I do after all enjoy having rules and such which helps me keep my life more organized, I'm very dependent on Saki because of my involuntary regression sometimes. Normally I would have to, on my own, like almost lock myself inside for like the times it happened but for the rules, guidelines and someone to ask for help and guidance; when it happens the regression thing is not in my control. That most of the time happens if I had a meltdown, which is an autistic thing a mixture of a anxiety and stress attack and well you completely loses yourself so to say and that is very hard on your mental state, I can tell. So my mind being very tired out and used most of my energy will cope by going little to protect me so to say. Which is both very helpful and very unhelpful, because it does make me feel more calm but well I'm also in need of more guidance and help. But luckily I never do it in public cause well the brain knows when to keep its guard up.
To have a CG, for me is very helpful but it has to be someone Iknow very well and love also because of all this I become so very dependent which I know is very common for littles. And I’m pan/demiromantic so it makes sense with those. It means alot to me that Saki gave me rules specifically to help my little and big side not to blend in any harmful way for me, it is one of the things that I love a lot about him in his caring personality and taking care of me and looking out for what is best for me.
Saki So, which is better? Like so many such things, there is no universal. Even just personally I can see the good in both. What I can say categorically, however, is that this approach works for me and Dolly the best, and in the end I feel it’s important to realise that all the parts of the dynamic must go into serving the relationship, serving the love that lies between us.
Dolly Yes, it is after all up to you as a person what works for you and your way of life. This works for us; we love each other a lot and this is the way we show that most to each other in a healthy, good way.
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So the past couple days have been rough for me. It feels like my bf doesn't want this dynamic anymore. He says he does but I just dont see it. There is no trying, no researching. I get this is the first time he's even heard of DD/lg but it just sucks. When I'm in my little space I want to do things with him and him interact with little me and get to know her too but thats not usually how it goes. I have a person I'm hoping will be my Daddy and I feel like I just keep getting let down by him. Yes I know I need to talk to him but I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel bad...plus it would be around the fourth time I've talked to him about this. He just keeps telling me he is going to try harder. I don't believe him though and that makes me feel so bad. I want to believe him I really really do. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him..but I need a daddy.
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could it be wrong?
You know that picture in your head that you picture you life as when you grow. Your dream guy. you picture how tall he would be, his hair, eyes, smile and everything about him. But what happens when the picture you always had in your head, the image you held on for so long to and to think that maybe the picture is wrong.
I have always picture the same thing for my future hubby (daddy), he would be taller than me I'm 5'7, he would be white (I have always liked white guys more. I try not to see race i ike all guys just notice that I favor more towards white guys. p.'s I'm black.)
He would be and always the caretaker. The one to keep me grounded and to help me when I'm depressed. he would have magic hugs that would keep me from falling apart. He would be a dork when he is with me and he would be my king. This is what I always picture. But maybe that picture is wrong.
maybe I need to rethink the picture and only focus on the really important parts like
he should be Godly
and he should be good Dom
Height shouldn't really matter, hair shouldn't matter and as long as he can give me love and magic hugs and has a Godly heart. everything else shouldn't matter.
But I cannot let go of the picture. I cant let go of the dream I had for my dream guy. and honestly I don't want to.
I want to hold on to my dream guy and I want him to be taller than me so i get forehead kisses. and to wear his shirts around the house because they are very big on me. to lean on him when I'm tired and come up to his chest. to be able to wear heels and still be short to him.
Hair doesn't really matter anymore to me. Baldness is hot and so is a bread. ( I use to hate beards now i love them)
I want him to be all Dom, Alpha and Sir and maybe just (when we are married) ever once in a while I can take control in the bed room. But again could i be wrong. what if the guy that is for me is the same height as me or even shorter? what if he is a switch and wants to go to Little or Sub?
do I just walk away or do I give it a try?
(sorry if there are any spelling mistake or grammar errors)
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I guess it's normal for a relationship to run it's course, but everything was perfect.. except for the part that i messed up. Daddy worked alot so much so he would go days without texting me and since we were LDR that was our way of communicating. but this weekend he promised he would come and see me; i texted him 10 times and called him twice in 3 days and no reply from him, being a little that takes alot out of me, i need attention! and he broke up with me because i couldn't handle him not replying to me for days, what else was i supposed to do after he promised to come and visit and he stopped responding?
Things are going well in my life at the moment. I should be getting a call about when I start my new job sometime this week! But I won't be able to spend much money except for gas and food. I have to save every penny for about 4 months and pay off debts that I have from unpaid hospital bills. I need to pay all of that off, then apply for a secured credit card to build my credit back up. After that, I can buy other things like a new phone! I'm really wanting the Samsung Galaxy S8+. Either that one or the Galaxy Note 8. I used to have a Note 4 and it was a really great phone.
Daddy and I talked and decided to slow it down a little bit with our dynamic until he can get used to being a Daddy a little more. So we got rid of the rules and such and are going to go more slowly because he isn't used to being a Daddy. However, I have been helping him discover himself more sexually. We even took the BDSM test for him and he is 100% Predatory Hunter (Which is a huge turn on for me)! I'm getting excited about it just thinking about when he comes home from work hehehe.
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I have currently been with a online Dom since December and honestly i am debating wither I actually feel anything for him.
He doesn't really seem to be very Daddy Dom with me and my needs are not being meet,
but I kinda didn't need much at all when we first started our dynamic.
I started my dynamic with him coming off a very mutual unwanted brake-up,
meaning my Dom at the time knew with his life being like it was at that time there was no way he could be the best Dom for me
and it would be unfair to keep me on knowing this and me understanding his situations.
Seeing this we both agreed that although we didn't want to and our relationship was amazing we had to end it.
Granted this was online not irl, but our dynamic was everything i had been missing and needing and made me truly feel like a submissive and little,
where even my IRL dom didn't get to me this much.
I was following rules and on a schedule and was getting all the prompting i needed
and he was so understanding and actually worked with me on my rules realizing how my aspies effected my rule needs,
something my irl dom did no seem to get or understand.
I was even coming out of my shell more sexually then i had been ever with my other doms or anything.
I am saying this because i think after that relationship ended i shelled up so to speak and stopped actually feeling my little self or being submissive.
After a few months I ended up accepting my current Dom as a Daddy and honestly we dont do anything really.
He dosen't set of rules or schedules or anything for me or really push issues like i need.
I cant say he is fully to blame due to when we first started i honestly didnt want any rules or anything.
I was not feeling submissive or even really relationship ready now that i look back on it.
But now that i am minding and finally feeling submissive and into my little space more and more again
i dont know what to do....
I have no idea what i want other then what i know i enjoyed with my previous doms and atm i know my dom cant do these things because of his situations.
I honestly feel like he is more of a friend i say hi good morning to once a day and thats it.
I feel lost honestly.
and i dont know what to do about it...
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Lately, I've been feeling really sad. Like uncontrollable fits of crying sad, & then happy, & stressed, & all the while, very much unable to sleep.
Today I cried off & on for 3 hours. Daddy tried to comfort me by reading me stories over the phone & cracking jokes, trying to get me to smile or giggle...but not seemed to work long term. He listened while I cried & was very supportive. He's really wonderful & tries so hard to take care of me the way I want to be cared for; I couldn't dream of a better Caregiver.
I just wish I knew what was wrong. It's hard for me to go into little space lately, & when I'm able to, I end up feeling bad about it...as if there's something shameful about being in little space. As if I have to be ashamed for being a (somewhat) sexual little. As if the opinions of others matter more than my own. & I hate that I let my brain get that way!!
I've struggled with a variety of mental illnesses for many years, & I'm...I just feel tired. I need sleep. I want to wake up & not care s much about what others think of me.
I'm sure it'll all be OK. I'll be fine, I'll accept myself without shame or guilt one day & will be proud of who I am inside. I just wish that day would be very, very soon.
Oh, I am so excited a while ago I met another little trough tumblr, we added each other on skype after finding out we both are from Denmark. When we talked alot and has becomed pretty good friends. And she is going to visit this weekend now, we are planning to go to toys'rus together, since there she lives it is an hours drive to it. But I have it only 20 min walk from me in my city so that is gonna be fun . I also promised we should have mac'n cheese since she never tried it but she sees it alot on tumblr so she wanna try it out.
Else we are just going to play some games and have fun. But for now I need to clean my apartment so it is ready for the weekend.
Other exciting stuff! I ordered my first snapcrothch onesie, from onesiesdownunder so im really excited for that to get here have been wanting a snapcrotch onesie for so so long
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Lately, I've been feeling really fulfilled. There are a lot of things in my life that I'm stressing out about still, but I do feel content.
Maybe I just needed a little break after all to just sit and do nothing. Rather, do things I want to do. I've been going on walks, not to get to work, but just because I want some alone time to enjoy myself. I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with 3 other boys. I share a room. I don't really get privacy. Going on walks gives me time to be by myself and clear my head. I sometimes forget I have that freedom to do what I want. I grew up in a household where my every move was watched and it sometimes feels weird to have the freedom to go on a walk and not be judged. This is good for my health too!
I really hope I'll be able to go grocery shopping soon and buy some good food for my body. I'm going to go back to making cute little lunches for myself. I deserve it!
Recently I keep thinking about my future and what's next to come. The more I think about it, the more I get scared. My mom has always told me to be myself and she would accept me no matter what, so I told her I'm a little. It went okay, but she believes I will change.
Hi, my name is Rhae and I am a little, but I'm scared. Daddy says it will work out and that no matter what he will be okay with me being whatever, but my mom wants me to change. She believes I should change when I have a kid. Do any other littlest have kids, and are still good with being a little? Does it complicate the relationship any? Do any Daddy's get annoyed with having to take care of there little girl and their child?
I am just curious because, I don't want my relationship yo change. For once in my life I am happy and comfortable with being who I am. If that makes since at all. Can someone please answer these questions.
I wouldn't normally do something like this but this is a great community with a lot of loving people so I figured why not? It might help.
So here's the thing, I've started a gofundme for a personal reason that is dear to me. It's a campaign to help me start a better life for me and my child.
Many of you are aware of my at home troubles most of you are not. Either way I was hoping you guys could help me. Even the smallest bit would be wonderful.
I'll post the link now so I stop rambling. The details are on the page.
Thank you everyone who takes the time to read this. You are amazing and I love you all.
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It's been a while since I've been around. It's been a rough, heartbreaking, and lonely 8 months; but I think I'm finally starting to find myself again.
I don't miss Him, I don't think I ever truly did. Not after how He ended things and betrayed every ounce of trust I ever put in Him. I see now that He was playing along just to keep me satisfied until He was ready to leave me. I think He used my lil' side as a way to fool me longer. Once I figured out the truth about Him, I've seen everything differently and realize He was a horrible person from the start and really good at hiding it. Now I just look like the biggest fool. I have no idea how long his GF was in the background, or how many others there were in our 9 years together.
I am lonely beyond words. I've never been so lonely to be honest. I have tons of friends and family around me, but no one who I can talk to about everything irl. Besides Him, only 1 person irl knows about my lil' side and I have had to cut them from my life too. Although that person brought some comfort and would make me feel better in the moment, I know only heart ache would have followed eventually, and I can't take more. I have lost too much.
Many days, I've wished there was a way to just stop feeling. Unfortunately, I've found it isn't possible for me. I don't know how to not care. I have learned if I keep others out, and not let new people in, my exposure can be limited and safer for me.
I miss being lil' the most. I work a lot and always took care of everything: house, bills, kids, pets during our marriage. At least being lil' was a way for me to give back to myself and just be me. At least when He would nurture that side of me, I felt loved and good. Nothing would make a bad day better than hearing 'good girl.' I am constantly wondering if I need to put my lil' side away though. I don't know if I could ever tell another person that I am lil' and that I need someone to care for me like that again. Being 'big' depletes me though and now i have to be 'big' all the time.
All I know is how to take care of others, not myself. Never have. I'm too busy being a mom, dad, co-worker, bill payer, etc. I don't get time for myself. That was His 1 job. I took care of everything else.
Although I'm still dealing with big issues and heartache still, I am getting stronger and trying to just move forward everyday.
I don't noes how many pepples here noes me but I is a little babygirl wid a lots of tings to tink about. I need some advice on what's to do . I is a Indian Shamans daughter I is suppose to take my father's place when he passes, I don't won't to,but if anyones here know about gifts den you noes we has to use dem proper.
I don't want to lebe my Daddy here for my reponciblites. I liks me life , ihas a good DaddyDom and if I taks ober for me Father my Daddy can't live wid me. I wood has to live on de reservation an I nots want to leave me Daddy, how ebber my gifts grow stronger every day. I love my Daddy he is sad wite now cosz he don't want me to leave him , no more dan I wants to leave him. What should I do please someone give me some advice?
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hai guys! *wave* welcome back!
so there's been a lot of buzz lately about the rules Daddy set down for me and how they help me. as Daddy has mentioned in the forums and in his blog posts I have A LOT of rules. i have standard rules, rules for phone calls, rules for outings, for punishment ect. i even have a set of rules especially for people that Daddy has deemed to be on his Shit List. i literally have lists of lists. and I really like that. see, big me is quite fastidious and has ocd and anxiety. so things like lists and rules actually soothe me. some have asked how the rules or previously mentioned chore lists help me with my anxiety. i can attempt to explain it as best as possible...
say I have an anxiety attack in the middle of my day. it doesn't really matter over what, the process is always the same: the very first thing i am expected to do is tell Daddy and take my medication. but, what if Daddy isn't available? enter the list and rules. the rules dictate that no matter how bad a freak-out i am having, Daddy still has expectations of my behavior. and even thought he'd understand if i made a snap decision to do something against the rules in the heat of the moment, i understand that accept that i still may be punished for it later. and i must accept my punishment gracefully.
The List also helps. Daddy has a phrase: "focus on what is in front of you". so say that my panic attack was over a bad phone call. after alerting Daddy and taking my pills, my job is to step away from the phone and refocus on my list. to go water the plants or make the bed, repetitive mundane tasks that I do everyday which near immediately calm me down with their sense of routine.
turning to The List is not a rule, but rather a choice i made independently. i had a horrible anxiety attack one day and Daddy was working so he was entirely unavailable. so after i took my medicine and a few deep breaths i asked myself "what would Daddy want me to do?" and i realized the answer was that he would want me to stay on track, do little and easy things until my heart stopped thumping in my ear like a jackrabbit. and lo and behold it worked a charm.
But in reality The List is not all mundane household chores. in fact it has a few self-care expectations on it as well. so if focusing on the little things in front of me isn't cutting the mustard, i then turn to self care. my coloring, my artistry, things of that nature. Daddy has also included in our google drive that we share (and where all our lists live) another list of self-care items. things like eating, showering, napping ect. because little girls with anxiety are often easily distracted. and my health and well-being is important to him. so he really strives not only to help me stay on top of it, but also provide me with tools for the moments he can't be there.
Daddy and I have developed these lists and rules over the past five or so months. while some lists are a continual changing work (like The Hit List) other lists are static (Daddy's rules for good babygirl's). so to post them ALL in one blog would be a total tl;dr scenario.
so what i am going to ATTEMPT is to link to the two foundations of Daddy's and my power exchange. The List and Daddy's Rules for Good Baby Girls. there are more to come, but these are the two biggest and most commonly referred too lists. so this is as good as place as any to start. as always all words and formatting in these links are compliments of Daddy.
i hope this helps you, or you at least find it interesting. if you have questions, feel free to leave them below. i'm more than happy to answer anything i can to the best of my ability. if you would rather, you are also welcome to either PM Daddy (only if you are a CG) or myself (only if you are a little).
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He's a meanie daddyyy!!
Well at first he is... or maybe most of the time... *pouts*
When I first met daddyy🙈 I was sad and unhappyy😟💔 because my other daddy left me for another girl... waahh!!😢
But then he take cared of me like I was his own little🙇💓 but! He was a meanie, arrogant, and gets annoyed fast hmph!😤😝
He was the complete opposite of my other or my dream daddy..😕😞 but... I dunno...
I just loved him..😍
I accepted the meanie side of my daddy!!😖 but he wasn't really meaann... he's just too shy to show his real feelings are which is so cuuuteee🙈🙈😍 *giggles* daddy always say mean things... but he shows he cares even though he's not aware of it... 😂😍
like one time... I wanted him to cuddle me so I asked him...
". . ."
". . ."
"Cuddle me pwease??"
". . ."
I smiled so much that time because he cuddled me and I feel so protected💕 and also because when I looked at him secretly while cuddling me... he's always that serious looking daddy but this time he was also pouting and blushing!!😍😍
I couldn't help myself but to giggle and we cuddle for the whole daaayy!!🙊💞❤
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Last night was awful.
I was so sick.
I got super depressed yesterday and ended up not eating or taking any of my medication and it also just happens to be my time of the month so I was super dehydrated from not taking any care of myself. My ex, my first daddy, he found out I wasn't doing well he rushed over to take care of me. He made sure I ate a little and drank some water and then I remember not thinking I was going to wake up this morning but here I am. But..I'm not home I'm in his bed with my favorite stuffie. I think he may have taken me home with him because he has class today but he still wanted to look after me.
This really isn't helping me get over him...I don't know what to do.
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February 5th 2017
It's been a long time since I was active around here, and I'm sorry. Some people know of why, and others don't, but in the road to my recovery, honesty is needed. On the 13th of September last year I was rushed to hospital for an overdose of paracetamol and codeine. My liver started failing and I had acute hepatitis. Half of it was a suicide attempt, the other half was my addiction to codeine. Within a small space of time, I ingested 20,000mg of paracetamol (no, that number is not a typo, sadly) and 300mg of codeine. It was the 20,000mgs of paracetamol, which had already began to damage my liver from the addiction long before the OD, that finally was the last straw. I was admitted and placed into the high dependency unit for almost a week, barely moving out of bed. The doctors said if I had waited even until that evening, let alone the next day (I had been slowly dying in my bed for three days already), I wouldn't have had a chance at all.
As of today? I am four months and 3 weeks clean. Next week, it will be officially five months clean! I am proud of myself, it's been a hard road, and my liver is back to 100% But it's been 4 months of battling and getting myself back on my feet. So yup...that's me back here.
Until next time, don't stop in any puddles while wearing your good shoes!
Before I start looking back at the long story of how punkin and I ended up where we are now, I should probably describe the structure of our relationship as it currently stands.
With this and every subsequent post, keep in mind that I am speaking from my own understanding and experience; I am not an expert, I am not a scholar, and your mileage WILL vary.
Punkin and I are in a 24/7 BDSM power exchange relationship; I am both her dominant and her owner. That is a very short sentence that says a lot of things, and I will do my best to unpack it for you without going on at length.
What is it?
24/7 -- Our dynamic is continuous, non-stop, in effect regardless of the circumstances. While we do have a safe word we have used it exclusively to keep the physical aspect of our relationship safe. If either of us found us needing to use it outside the bedroom, that would likely signify a very serious problem. Or outdoor nudity.
BDSM power exchange -- Lots of relationship dynamics involve power exchange (good Christian women, anyone?) but I think it's safe to say that power exchange is pretty central to the whole concept of BDSM. It comes in a wide variety of degrees, but the core essence is one person (generally labeled the submissive) hands a measure of power / authority over to another person (generally labeled the dominant). In accepting the power / authority, the dominant in turn takes on an equivalent measure of responsibility for the safety and enjoyment of the submissive.
In BDSM, while it may look and feel as though the dominant holds all the cards, the reverse is most often true. In my opinion the most healthy power exchange dynamic is one in which all parties involved are active participants, communicating continuously and working together in their respective roles.
Dominant -- The yin to the submissive yang, as a role it is so much more complex and fulfilling than demanding obedience. Punkin gives me power over her as a gift, trusting me to use it wisely and humanely; I do my best to use it for our mutual benefit and satisfaction, trusting her to recognize my inherently flawed human nature and to check me when necessary.
Owner -- Whereas a dominant is someone who assumes the authoritarian role in primarily intimate situations, as her owner I have been handed the reigns over the vast majority of punkin's life. I know where she is, what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with at all times. Any deviation from her established routine requires my express authorization, even if it's a trip to the store.
So much for not going on at length. Oh well, get used to it.
I know this seems like an awful lot to some, and I’m about to really confuse some of you: punkin is a staunch feminist who vociferously defends equal rights amongst all sexual orientations and gender identities and consenting adult lifestyles against the puritanical patriarchal mindset that permeates every aspect of our society. Even a hint of one person treating another as inherently inferior or as property against their will, either consciously or unconsciously, sends her into a rage. Why would someone like that choose to hand so much power over to another person?
That’s what it is. Why does it work?
Part of the answer lies in the two most important words of the previous paragraph: Will and choose. In other words, consent. Consent requires respect for the humanity inherent in all of us, for our freedom to make choices for ourselves, for our right to live however we choose. As some might say, “An it harm none, do what thou wilt.” Others go with the litany of, “Safe, sane, consensual.”
I prefer, “You can't rape the willing.”
People who are wired submissively get a rush out of submitting. People who are wired dominantly get a rush out of dominating. People who are wired both ways (switches) get a rush out of either one. It’s not an either/or, it’s a continuum (much like sexual orientation), but it boils down to the basic fact that we take on the roles we take on because they fulfill us and are enjoyable far far beyond the question of physical stimulation or orgasm. Enjoyment of these roles is part of the reason why we’ve entered into this power exchange, but it’s far from the whole story.
Punkin, a switch, labors under the weight of a variety of chronic health conditions (physical and mental) and is still working to unpack some psychological trauma. That’s a lot for one person in and of itself, but that’s not even a fraction of her load. She she has a lot of responsibility, she doesn’t get a break and she doesn’t get to break because too much is riding on her working pretty much non-stop from dawn until well after dusk. More on that in my aside about her marriage, but suffice it to say her world was on fire when we began our grand adventure.
In short, punkin needed a wingman -- someone to act as an external reality check, to recognize her achievements, to celebrate her victories, to mourn her losses, to point out her mistakes, to catch her when she falls. She needed someone who appreciates her as an individual, basically.
I, a dominant, am someone who is, at heart, a wingman. I’m second-in-command at work and don’t want to rise higher, I prefer encouragements to chastisements, I am slow (or at least slower than most) to judge the behavior and motivations of others, I am quick to offer support, and I do not hesitate to deliver harsh realities when they’re called for. I have a wife with her own host of chronic health conditions and psychological trauma and two special needs kids of my own. I, too, do not get to stop or to break. I get fulfillment from providing the things that they need and that punkin needs because doing so is so basic to my wiring and life experience; for her part punkin doesn’t hesitate to step into the breech when I am in need of support or words of encouragement or a shoulder to cry on.
We are in many ways each other’s mirror half, a well-matched set. At the same time we share a moral compass and a basic set of interests and values. As time passes it has become less a shock to me that she’s my missing puzzle piece and more a shock that I didn’t see that fact sooner.
That’s why it works. How does it work?
There are two lists of tasks that punkin must complete every day -- the short list and the long list. The short list is basic health-maintenance stuff, meals and stretching and so on. The long list is more of a chore list, cleaning and maintaining the household. Punkin never has “a bad day” if the short list is done, and has “a good day” if she nails the whole thing. There is also a bonus system to account for days or deeds which fall outside the routine but which are nevertheless noteworthy. Good days mean rewards, bad days mean punishments, and whether or not punishments are needed are evaluated once a week so that no one bad day means immediate punishment -- it’s more about the pattern of behavior over the course of the week.
Punkin’s pretty diligent, and that’s a relief for me. As much as she might need to be punished if she starts to slip, I greatly prefer to be flexible, to understand, and to encourage.
As I mentioned above, she has an established routine, both within her household and socially, anything outside of that is subject to approval. I’m pretty quick to approve, mainly because she works very hard and never asks for anything unreasonable. The closest I come to saying “no” is generally, “You can have X only if you do Y first.” Fairness is very important to me and I hate arbitrary displays of authority, so I try to exercise what authority she’s given me only with good cause.
For example, stretching is very important to her health and is on her short list. If she hasn’t stretched but wants to do something fun, I’ll tell her she can -- after she stretches.
Aside from the list, there are rules. Lots of rules. Punkin likes rules, they define the terms and set the boundaries of our relationship. We started off with a few basics and then every time something came up which made either of us nervous or anxious about how things were going, bam, a new rule was born. We keep them common-sense enough that her obedience is nigh instinctual.
Our relationship started off fitting the general mold of CG/l with power exchange and evolved as organically as the rules. I don't sit on a pedestal and dictate, we work together to figure out where our respective needs lie and then bend or reshape things to fit. Everything is constantly being refined as we explore each other and ourselves. There's a great deal more asking and discussing than the casual observer might assume. Despite the magnitude of the authority punkin has gifted me with, the dynamic of power is egalitarian in its own unconventional way.
Our relationship is also tailored so that it in no way interrupts her duties as a mother or in any way compromises the integrity of her family. A family man myself, to any way jeopardize that would be appalling to me, so we both make it Job Number One to make sure that that neither of our families suffer because of our relationship. Our time together always takes a back seat to family responsibilities, there are no public displays where anyone who knows her family can see, and she doesn't wear her collar in public.
Ah yes, her collar.
She owns a collar that she wears when she is alone (or alone with me). She also owns a symbolic collar that she wears essentially all the time -- a sterling silver box chain. She also owns a tag which has been stamped with her special name and the date when I first collared her. The tag generally lives on the chain, but it can be moved to the D-ring on the collar. All of these were my gifts to her, hers to keep forever, and the use of them is subject only to reasonable restrictions we agreed upon for the purpose of not weirding anyone else out.
Our relationship in inherently long-distance, given that we live a 90 minute drive from each other in two very separate households. We typically see each other in person a couple of times a month, and we bridge the gap thusly:
Text conversations first thing in the morning and last thing at night
A phone call during my morning commute
Regular communication via text about our respective day and her list compliance throughout the day
Writing essays about our feelings to each other online
Updating one another on any movements or deviations from routine
Never ever lying, even (and especially) when the truth is unpleasant
I can't stress the importance of that last enough. What good is it to check on list compliance or render emotional support or offer encouragements or hand out discipline I'm not physically present to verify without implicit trust? I'm not next door and punkin has seen some serious abuse, so being able to trust in one another’s honesty is paramount. If it is said, it must be true to the best of our knowledge and understanding.
This doesn't mean we share literally everything all the time. We're individuals with separate minds and hearts. It's natural to want time to process new ideas and input and insecurities before discussing them. We also have conversations with others and don't reiterate them word for word. Nevertheless, nothing of any significance is kept under wraps for long, and the sooner it comes to light the sooner we can deal with it and the safer and more secure we both feel.
I think I said something before about not going on at length, and this seems like a good stopping point. Ciao for now.
So I found out Tuesday afternoon that I'm having a little boy.
To be honest, we both wanted a girl. I thought about all the things I could do with a baby girl, but then, when they told me all I could think about were all the things I could do with my son.
The things I could buy him that I never had, the cute dinosaur things, nicknames like "My little monster". The strong bond we'd have and I just got so overjoyed.
I can't wait to meet him. To hold him, care for him, and when he gets older do all the fun things with him that I didn't get as a child.
I'm excited. I'm happy. Today I'm 20 weeks and he's growing strong and healthy. He also stole my heart.
Below is when I had my first ultrasound, and then my recent one
11 weeks and 3 days
week 19 and 3 days
1. What's your name/nickname that you go by?
"Harley", "Kitten", "Loun".
2. Do you like or dislike surprises?
It depends honestly, if it's something that gives me a lot of anxiety like people I don't know or large groups, oh gosh yes. But little things like presents I can deal with.
3. What's your favorite animal?
Wolfs, kitties, rats, mice!
4. What's your favorite feature about yourself?
I love my hair, it's vibrant and always changing.
5. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal, pillow or blanket that you HAVE to sleep with?
I have my Wolf-Dress Pillow my Mom made for me for christmas a few years back.
6. Do you have a pet/pets?
Yes, to myself I have two mice (Princess and Aurora), two rats (Starla and Louna), three cats (Gloria, Joe, and Lyric), and a pacman frog (Sylvia), but I live with my cousins cat (Molly) and their two dogs (Lucifer and Reggie).
7. What's your favorite drink?
Orange juice or chocolate milk!
8. Are you a fan of sweet or salty snacks?
Sweet, I don't like salty things!
9.What is your role? (ie. little, middle, big, switch, questioning?)
10. Are you left or right handed, or ambidextrous?
11. What's your favorite TV Show/Cartoon?
Ouran High School Host Club, My Little Pony, Vampire Knight!
12. Do you have a favorite type of flower?
Either lavender roses or babies breathe!
13. What's your favorite sports team?
I don't sport.
14. Name one thing that's unique to you.
I have weird hair I guess
15. What hobbies do you like doing?
I have an etsy store I'm reopening soon, I love video games and stuff like that!
16. If you could re-name yourself, what name would you choose?
Louna, Dusk, or Thorn...
17. What's your favorite color?
I like pastels and lavender a lot.
18. What's the #1 thing on your bucket list?
19. If you were a superhero, what would your power be?
The ability to become invisible!
20. What makes you happy?
Music, my pets, my Dadd.
21. What's your favorite season?
22.What's your biggest pet peeve?
23. How long have you been involved in CG/l?
ABout two years!
24. What's one thing you would change about yourself?
A lot, actually. My height, weight, body shape, eye colour, everything really.
25. What's your favorite thing about this site?
The activity! I wish it was more active, but it's growing!!!
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